Gosh, I have so much on my mind.
I guess the most prominent in my mind right now is something posted on Alternet. It is about a poll that shows that 16% of Americans think its ok for a man to hit their wives. Wow! Really?! Ummmm.......ooookkkkkaaaayyyyy.
First of all, I have a hard time with this, absorbing it or agreeing with alot of opinions about it......or.....whatever! As a person who has been abused at the hands of a man, domestic violence that is, I go kinda haywire when I see or hear about it. It ain't funny and it ain't pretty and it ain't right! No person, no man or woman, has the right to hit or use any other kind of abuse against another. Ever!
My first husband hit me. It happened twice. I will never forget and neither will he, I'm sure. We were both young and wrong and complicit. I knew what buttons to push and I pushed them and he did what he did. I am not excusing his behavior because I know it was wrong and so does he. I am not excusing my behavior either. I should have walked away. I know that had I done that, it wouldn't have gone where it did. I learned a lesson from this, forgiveness. It took me many years but I forgave and it made a whole world of difference in my life. That doesn't mean there isn't pain when remembering it, it just means that the pain has meaning.
My second husband was a different story. Mental abuse is worse in so many ways. I won't say I was complicit in any way with this. I wasn't. Add a line...... Add a line that borders on physical, add to that the mental, and you get something that is a whole different animal. This animal is unforgivable..... This animal comes from a place totally different. This animal comes from a place deep seated in a man, a place that very few see and very few can heal. The signs were all there from the beginning but I overlooked them because of the charm and the hurt I could see and feel on the surface.
There is nothing in the world that will take me there again. This much I know is true. I will live alone before I will commit myself to a relationship I have doubts about. This much I have learned, this much I have absorbed. I can, and will, take care of myself. Had I known that then, I wouldn't have taken myself into the nightmare of my second marriage. Now, it is done. Now I have no faith except for the faith in me and those who were there and have been there for me all through it. They are special and few.
You can't heal a hurt deep within. I figured this out before I almost died trying. He was not for this world because he couldn't heal or overcome his demons and neither could I. Now, I just live my life knowing no-one will ever heal me. What is done is done and I am a skittish horse, ever wary and ever not to be owned by anyone but me. I know this much is true.
On to another subject.........
I am beyond with our politicians. They need to figure out a budget and they need to get it done. They need to focus on job creation and making this country what it should be. We are a country of innovation and ideas. We are a country that doesn't give up. We deserve better than what they are giving us and if they don't want to do what is right they need to voted out so someone with big ideas and some gumption can take over.
Our children do not have the chances we had. I recieved a Pell Grant for my college expenses, it paid for everything except living expenses while I was in college. I had to support myself but it paid for my education. My daughter, who is supporting herself, and has already taken on loans for schooling, cannot get a Pell Grant. Why? Idk. I guess because they think she makes too much based on whatever standards they set. Like someone making 25 thou a year and paying for their housing, food, car, insurance, and school loans is living high on the hog! Really?! WTF? That is barely scraping by ya'all.
That is barely makin it and she wants to better herself. She wants to become a registered nurse and maybe a doctor but they can't help her do that. They can't help the people in this nation who want to better this nation be they sure as hell can help those who don't give a shit about helping themselves and they sure as hell can help those who are already rich and need no help at all! This is nonsense. This is what is taking our nation to the brink. This is why we need to stand up and make our voices heard.
We are better than this. We are a nation built on hard work and believing in that hard work. We are a nation built on innovation and pushing to the top those who want to help themselves and others around them. We are a nation built on not only capitalism but also on socialism. Anyone who believes otherwise doesn't see this country for what is true about it. We are a nation made from scratch. We are better than this.
We've had our battles to be sure. We have fought each other over ideals that were necessary, like freedom, be it over religion or monarchy or slavery, womens rights and the right of all men to be equal. We have fought those battles and we have reached an agreement however flawed those agreements have been and however many times we have had debates on those freedoms. Our freedoms make us the envy of other nation's peoples. In spite of what is happening. people still want to come to America because of those freedoms.
We are losing ground. We are becoming a nation of fear. It takes a village, or a town, a city or a state, but we can do better. We can look inside ourselves and find what we are and be what we always have been. We can be The United States of America. We only have to work together to do this. This is possible and it is good and it is what we need to do. Vote and get rid of the politicians who only care for themselves. Use your voice to be heard and make our country what it needs to be. Tell everyone you know that you want them to vote for our country and for our people and not for the monied interests (be it corporations who are outsourcing jobs, or corporations who want you to do the work of three people, or singularily rich people who could care less about you as long as they get what they want) who want to better themselves but not everyone else. Listen closely to what is being said, do not ignore and do not say it isn't your problem because it is. We The People of The United States of America stand up for our rights! We are better than what we are being handed every day and I, for one, do not want to become paid slave labor in America.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Bits and pieces from my mind.....or.....Donde es tu la mente?
It is very hot outside. I don't water my grass because I am worried about the environmental impact of doing so and because my water is very expensive, mostly because of the former, the latter I would accept if I had the money and if water wasn't so precious.
If water were treated the way gold is there might be more serious discussion on climate change. As it is, gold prices are skyrocketing and very few think about the availability of water, or food, in the future. I guess the rich person's view is that gold can always buy them both. Well, sure it can. Til eventually both water and food are so precious you couldn't buy them with another person's life, much less yours, much less gold. You can't eat gold. It won't sustain you. It might buy you some time, that is all, just a little time.
So, back to my grass. It crunches beneath my feet as I walk through it. It is dry beyond dry, brown and dead beyond dead. I have a tiny garden in front of my house and some container plants on my porch. I would like to have more but don't have the time this year and am worried about my ability to do more when I do have the time. The water situation being what it is, this feels like a fruitless wish.
I feel bad because I don't give them as much water as they'd like sometimes. I used to work for a plant care service and was told that even plants that like alot of water would adapt to less over time. I hope every day this is true. I don't want them to die but I do live in a region that has been identified as one of the hottest in America this year. This truely worries me because it didn't used to be this way here.
Climate change is doing some very bad things to our planet and we are the principal cause of it. If we don't accept this, and make changes, our children and our grandchildren are going to pay for it with reduced standards of living and a world unlike anything we've ever dreamed of or lived in ourselves. Plain, pure and simple. It doesn't take a genius to see this, all it takes is common sense and remembering what was...or being able to read about what was.......
Has anyone besides me noticed the similarities between what is going on in politics today and the book Atlas Shrugged? How many people know that Alan Greenspan was a disciple of Ayn Rand? This is bothering for a few reasons. Most of all being the state of our treasury and national debt today. Alan Greenspan kept interest rates low to mollify the corporate dynasty which actually runs America. He turned a blind eye to the woefully inadequate restrictions and regulations of what passes for "legal" money management in America and look where that got us? As Chairman of the Federal Reserve he did an absolutely dissolute job and I can't say that his successor, Ben Bernanke, has done much better though I have no idea how B.B. feels about A.R.
There are things I like about the Ayn Rand philosophy, mostly about holding true to your core values and knowing what your value is, but I have to say the capitalist model she wants to say is a must does nothing but tear apart a country. The problem with her model is that there is no room for the little guy. Sure, she mentions "little people" who are honorable and who support (with blind faith) the capitalist pig who employs them. Problem with this is that in the end they are no-where and nobody gives them a second thought. What happened to them was my thought at the end of the book? They don't matter and they aren't mentioned.
Same with life in this corporate run democracy we are living in now. The little people mean nothing. We are like pieces of garbage they use then throw away when they have squeezed us dry. There may be lots of freedoms in America but the freedoms of the corporations outnumber and overpower the freedoms of anyone who works for them. Just like in Atlas Shrugged, in the end, there will be no thought or mention of we who helped make them successful. We are on our own in the end.
This brings me to the other thing I was thinking about while painting my "Grand Old Dame" yesterday. (My house is 110 yrs old and I call her "The Grand Old Dame") I always play music while working on her. Mostly because I love music but also because it makes the work feel like something other than work, which really it is, it is more a hobby than work and I love doing it.
I started thinking about the "Labor Relations" meeting I went to for my employer not long ago. He kept interspersing his "training" with anecdotes of how much he loved heavy metal music.....like this was going to make him seem cool to us or more real......tried to say he couldn't believe more of us didn't know these bands he was talking about tho I'm fairly sure more of us did than admitted. We just wanted to get the brainwashing over with. We had all, for the most part, been subjected to this "teaching session" before.
The last time had been a disaster in our area because the person who gave the training had pretty much told us how we should vote. She was not the only trainer who did this from the media reports that came out of it so I'm guessing it wasn't just her, it was something dictated from above. Anyhow, I'm guessin they wanted to keep it more "real" this time. They wanted the trainer to relate to us on a different level but still influence our thoughts somehow.
Here's the thing though. I have in my cds many of the bands he was mentioning. I actually listen to not only the music but the words. If any of these bands could be called "establishment" I'd be very surprised and I know not one of them is on the list of music "sanctioned" by "the powers that be" in my company for use in training classrooms. I happen to know there is a list because I just came out of training where I listened to the same crap music day after day....... and asked about it.
Anyhoo, I'm wondering if his training speech was ever listened to or sanctioned by anyone cuz I'm thinkin that it wasn't. I don't care at all but I'm thinkin his job will be on the line soon cuz just a small sampling from the bands he was mentioning would be enough to turn the higher up heads like the head of that girl in The Exorcist.
Anthem.....dedicated to all the salaried managers where I work
Zzyxx Rd. ~ Stonesour
I don't know how else to put this - It's taken me so long to do this
I'm fallin asleep but I can't see straight
My muscles feel like a melee - body curled in a u-shape
I put on my best but I'm still afraid
Propped up by lies and promises - saving my place as life forgets
Maybe its time I saw the world
I'm only here for awhile - but patience is not my style
And I'm so tired that I gotta go
What am I supposed to hide now? What am I supposed to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through?
Tell me I should stick around for you, tell me I could have it all
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go
I get to go home in one week, but I'm leaving home in three weeks
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry
I'm following suit and directions - I crawl up inside for protection
I don't really mind if I just fade away.....
I'm ready to live with my family - I'm ready to die in obscurity
Cuz I'm so tired that I gotta go
Where am I supposed to hide now? What am I supposed to do?
You still don't think I'm gonna see this through
Tell me I'm a part of history - tell me I could have it all
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go.....
Donde es tu la mente? Esta me la mente ( I have no clue if this is proper spanish btw!)
If water were treated the way gold is there might be more serious discussion on climate change. As it is, gold prices are skyrocketing and very few think about the availability of water, or food, in the future. I guess the rich person's view is that gold can always buy them both. Well, sure it can. Til eventually both water and food are so precious you couldn't buy them with another person's life, much less yours, much less gold. You can't eat gold. It won't sustain you. It might buy you some time, that is all, just a little time.
So, back to my grass. It crunches beneath my feet as I walk through it. It is dry beyond dry, brown and dead beyond dead. I have a tiny garden in front of my house and some container plants on my porch. I would like to have more but don't have the time this year and am worried about my ability to do more when I do have the time. The water situation being what it is, this feels like a fruitless wish.
I feel bad because I don't give them as much water as they'd like sometimes. I used to work for a plant care service and was told that even plants that like alot of water would adapt to less over time. I hope every day this is true. I don't want them to die but I do live in a region that has been identified as one of the hottest in America this year. This truely worries me because it didn't used to be this way here.
Climate change is doing some very bad things to our planet and we are the principal cause of it. If we don't accept this, and make changes, our children and our grandchildren are going to pay for it with reduced standards of living and a world unlike anything we've ever dreamed of or lived in ourselves. Plain, pure and simple. It doesn't take a genius to see this, all it takes is common sense and remembering what was...or being able to read about what was.......
Has anyone besides me noticed the similarities between what is going on in politics today and the book Atlas Shrugged? How many people know that Alan Greenspan was a disciple of Ayn Rand? This is bothering for a few reasons. Most of all being the state of our treasury and national debt today. Alan Greenspan kept interest rates low to mollify the corporate dynasty which actually runs America. He turned a blind eye to the woefully inadequate restrictions and regulations of what passes for "legal" money management in America and look where that got us? As Chairman of the Federal Reserve he did an absolutely dissolute job and I can't say that his successor, Ben Bernanke, has done much better though I have no idea how B.B. feels about A.R.
There are things I like about the Ayn Rand philosophy, mostly about holding true to your core values and knowing what your value is, but I have to say the capitalist model she wants to say is a must does nothing but tear apart a country. The problem with her model is that there is no room for the little guy. Sure, she mentions "little people" who are honorable and who support (with blind faith) the capitalist pig who employs them. Problem with this is that in the end they are no-where and nobody gives them a second thought. What happened to them was my thought at the end of the book? They don't matter and they aren't mentioned.
Same with life in this corporate run democracy we are living in now. The little people mean nothing. We are like pieces of garbage they use then throw away when they have squeezed us dry. There may be lots of freedoms in America but the freedoms of the corporations outnumber and overpower the freedoms of anyone who works for them. Just like in Atlas Shrugged, in the end, there will be no thought or mention of we who helped make them successful. We are on our own in the end.
This brings me to the other thing I was thinking about while painting my "Grand Old Dame" yesterday. (My house is 110 yrs old and I call her "The Grand Old Dame") I always play music while working on her. Mostly because I love music but also because it makes the work feel like something other than work, which really it is, it is more a hobby than work and I love doing it.
I started thinking about the "Labor Relations" meeting I went to for my employer not long ago. He kept interspersing his "training" with anecdotes of how much he loved heavy metal music.....like this was going to make him seem cool to us or more real......tried to say he couldn't believe more of us didn't know these bands he was talking about tho I'm fairly sure more of us did than admitted. We just wanted to get the brainwashing over with. We had all, for the most part, been subjected to this "teaching session" before.
The last time had been a disaster in our area because the person who gave the training had pretty much told us how we should vote. She was not the only trainer who did this from the media reports that came out of it so I'm guessing it wasn't just her, it was something dictated from above. Anyhow, I'm guessin they wanted to keep it more "real" this time. They wanted the trainer to relate to us on a different level but still influence our thoughts somehow.
Here's the thing though. I have in my cds many of the bands he was mentioning. I actually listen to not only the music but the words. If any of these bands could be called "establishment" I'd be very surprised and I know not one of them is on the list of music "sanctioned" by "the powers that be" in my company for use in training classrooms. I happen to know there is a list because I just came out of training where I listened to the same crap music day after day....... and asked about it.
Anyhoo, I'm wondering if his training speech was ever listened to or sanctioned by anyone cuz I'm thinkin that it wasn't. I don't care at all but I'm thinkin his job will be on the line soon cuz just a small sampling from the bands he was mentioning would be enough to turn the higher up heads like the head of that girl in The Exorcist.
Anthem.....dedicated to all the salaried managers where I work
Zzyxx Rd. ~ Stonesour
I don't know how else to put this - It's taken me so long to do this
I'm fallin asleep but I can't see straight
My muscles feel like a melee - body curled in a u-shape
I put on my best but I'm still afraid
Propped up by lies and promises - saving my place as life forgets
Maybe its time I saw the world
I'm only here for awhile - but patience is not my style
And I'm so tired that I gotta go
What am I supposed to hide now? What am I supposed to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through?
Tell me I should stick around for you, tell me I could have it all
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go
I get to go home in one week, but I'm leaving home in three weeks
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry
I'm following suit and directions - I crawl up inside for protection
I don't really mind if I just fade away.....
I'm ready to live with my family - I'm ready to die in obscurity
Cuz I'm so tired that I gotta go
Where am I supposed to hide now? What am I supposed to do?
You still don't think I'm gonna see this through
Tell me I'm a part of history - tell me I could have it all
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go.....
Donde es tu la mente? Esta me la mente ( I have no clue if this is proper spanish btw!)
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